Well I have been having some debate with my boyfriend and some his family and mine. The reason for this is because they say I am a devil worshipper because I have a pentacle sticker with 2 moons on the back of my car and I read books about Tarot and Witchcraft. I am not nor have I ever been a devil worshipper, I tell them I am witch or that I am a Pagan, and that has nothing to do with being a devil worshipper. I say first you have to believe in the devil to be a devil worshipper and I for one do not believe in him. They say that because I don’t believe in God the way they do and that I worship or “pray” to many different Gods and Goddesses, that I am doing something wrong and I am going to Hell, yet again I tell them you have to believe in Hell in order to go there. I believe each life we live we have a lesson to learn and if we don’t learn it or if we do we come back to the earth as a new incarnation. I do believe in re-incarnation. I believe we are not put here to live one life and then either buried or burned and that’s it, then we are judged and we either go to heaven or hell. To me that seems a little closed minded and off. It seems like kind of a waste of time to be alive, why if you are just going to die and that’s it, nothing more. I believe that every one has the ability to be good or evil and it is the heart of the person not the devil or God who makes them either good or evil. It is all down to choice, you have a choice whether you rob or murder someone, it isn’t the devil making you do it if you do it, it si your personal choice. Too many people use that as a way to get out of it, or they say a demon possessed me. Really? Now that’s a little much. If you weren’t already thinking it then they wouldn’t have a place to go. They are drawn to bad, so if you are good then you wouldn’t have to worry about it, well I have been told I am wrong about this too, I have been told that demons are sent by the devil to corrupt the good children of god and that way he is winning the war with god, really that’s just stupid to me, he has nothing better to do with his time than to keep sending demons up to earth to seek out the good people and make them evil, that seems like a lot of hard work for someone who can just come up here and snatch whatever soul he wants to. Makes no sense to me that he would be worried about good people because believe me there aren’t that many in the world these days, even gods people the priests and nuns and bishops and cardnials and stuff are corrupt and out to gain a profit from people. Nothing has changed since the old days when priests would accuse a person of being a witch or possessed by demons so they could take their property and monies “for the church” now they just act like they need a donation in order to exorcise demons from people. Most people they say are possessed are just people who have mental illnesses such as schizophrenia. Nothing more elaborate than that. But back to why I am supposed to be a devil worshiper because I am a witch and pagan. I am not doing what society says is right and believeing the way they say I should. It is not right to try to bring back the religions of my ancestors, they act like Christianity has been around since the earth was formed it hasn’t, it didn’t get put in a book form until after Jesus had been dead for 1200 years, so how is it accurate and how can that be what happened? I mean if that’s the case that Christianity has been around forever then why did we have the crusades to bring it to the pagan masses? Paganism has been around so much longer than any Christianity. Cavemen would leave sacrifices and offerings to the sun and moon and to the gods of the hunt and harvest that’s paganism not Christianity. I don’t believe in GOD and how he is supposed to be all knowing and all loving because he allows his greatest creation (us) to fight and kill each other and slaughter each other and do genocide and he allows babies who have not even learned to talk or walk and not ven been alive more than a few months be born with cancer and deadly diseases. How is that loving? How is that showing that you care about your creation? How is it that he allows serial killers to emerge and murderers and other people to emerge to take advantage of others? I have never had any one Christian give me a good enough answer to make me believe that he is all loving and fair and really cares about his creation. Maybe if I find one that does give me a good enough answer I will change my mind, but telling me a few week old baby was born dying of cancer is the lesson of pain they were supposed to be born with that is a crock of shit to put it bluntly! I had a priest tell me that that was why babies are born dying, because that was the lesson god wanted them and their parents to learn, now where is the lesson in that? That he doesn’t give a shit or that he isn’t real and that you should lose faith because I sure as hell would. So please don’t tell me I am wrong in what I believe in, I have my beliefs and you have yours. I just believe in the way my ancestors did.
In the USA we think we are a pretty progressive and forward thinking nation and have over come and don’t do a lot of what the people from the 60’s etc.., did. Well, that couldn’t be farther from the truth, we just know how to hide it better now. It may not be so glaringly in your face sexism, or racism, or feminism, or chauvinism, etc., but it is still there if you read between the lines of what they are doing and saying and how they treat you compared to others. I would almost want to be back in the times when it was smack dab in your face, because then I could meet it head on and deal with it right there rather than it sneak up on me and me not knowing it and I don’t know how to deal with it.
At work recently the Site Supervisor left so our first shift lead Supervisor moved into his position with only an adjusting of a couple things on his profile with company we work for, So me thinking that since I have been doing his job when he leaves and isn’t there and am 2nd Shift lead Supervisor all i had to do was adjust my profile with the company and I would be given the First shift lead obviously that would be the logical progression since I have as much if not more experience than the one who is now our site supervisor, but no, I get told I have to put in an application and go through an interview and see if the client wants me as their 1st shift Lead. Now these are the same men I would have to interview with who are always looking down on me in a condescending way, or are making comments that I don’t know something when they know I do. So I have said to hell with it I’ll stay on my 2nd shift and let them hire in another guy to fill the slot and let him fail, like they always do.
When i was asking about the job, they kept avoiding me and not answering my calls and that gave me a clue as to what was going go on right their. I wish i could prove they were not hiring me because I was a woman..Oh how I wish I could prove it! I mean I didn’t put with the lewd jokes and the sexual harassment and the being the only woman in 2400 guys and having to go yards away from the field site just to pee because I didn’t want one of the guys to come and see me and take pictures and show them off or worse. I didn’t put up with being in the Kuwaiti desert in a convoy being stopped in the middle of the desert with not a tree or hill or anything in site for miles and having to pee and having squeeze inbetween truck tires to pee so no one would see me. And being yelled at in basic training and hit if i stepped out of line or made to stay up til 1am and then be back up at 4am to start the day over again in basic training. Just to be treated like I don’t count because I’m a woman. I have been doing jobs like a mechanic, corrections, loss prevention and security my whole life and every time I have had to prove myself. Why? Why should have to prove myself when men don’?
Women believe in equal rights and equal pay and the whole Feminism movement is out there and they make it harder for those of us who are out there doing the jobs that equal and deserve the equal rights and equal pay. If you are standing around holding picket signs all day and yelling about equal this and equal that for women but not actually doing the jobs that deserve it then you are only hurting those of that do deserve it.
Racism these days is a subject that many don’t want to approach because it is a heated subject, it shouldn’t be. People should be able to have an opinion. And if you think about it there is more racism among our own race than there is among the different races. But because the media wants to keep the myths alive and keep digging at old wounds they sensationalize the bits and pieces of stories that they do find that can be construed as racism if worded the right way. Anything can be made to be racist sounding if worded the right way and by changing a couple words here and there. Shouldn’t we think before we act now? Why are we still letting are bodies move before our brains? Why don’t we think?
In short we as a nation have not come very far, we just have masked it better. We are more knowledgeable we are more sneaky. We are not teaching the new generations how to be better we are teaching them how to cover their tracks if they do, do it. We need to teach them manners and teach them better and not to do the stuff in the first place.
Grow up America.
Some say Suicide is cowardly and a cowards way out. I do not feel that this true, I think that it is an act of heroism on the part of the person doing it, because they are actually doing something they want to do despite what society says about it. I mean why should we all blindly follow what society says we should? If you are a person who suffers from suicidal ideations, of which I am one, then you know it is a daily struggle to not go through with all your laid out plans. Believe me a person like me always has a plan laid out and sometimes a couple of plans laid out, just in case someone finds out and decides to stop you from accomplishing that plan. I have tried several times in my life to commit suicide unsuccessfully, but mostly because it was a cry for help, not for attention as some people think, but for help. This is what people who try are doing they are not crying out for attention they are saying ” hey I am feeling so much pain I don’t know how to deal with it can someone please help me?” Every one says well if you feel like that before you start to go through with it you should call a suicide hotline, these are a ridiculous idea, they are usually manned by grad students just trying to get their work study in and credits, or by people just going in doing their eight hours to get paid and then leaving. If you have ever called one of these so called helplines you know what I am talking about when I say they make it worse. They try to tell you all the good things in your life and remind you of all the people you will leave behind and you should think positively. Well if I could think positively I wouldn’t be calling a suicide hotline! I have called a few in my times of need and they just made me want to yell and scream and do it even more, what I really needed was just someone to listen to me and hear my pain and what was going on and not comment and tell me all this happy horse crap about you have loved ones who will miss you and be affected by your death. If they were such good loved ones and be affected by my death then why don’t I hear from them now and why don’t they check on me now knowing I have these thoughts and I could do it at any time? So I do think that you are a hero to yourself if you commit suicide because you have actually gone through with it and said F-you society I am going out how I want to and I tried but it was just too much and no one really cared anyway. Society has religions that say suicide is evil and you will go straight to Hell if you do it because it is not your life to take, it is Gods life to take, because he gave it to you and he is the only one who can take it away, well if that is so then where is he when things are really bad? Where is he when I have nothing and no one to count on or to listen and help me? Some say pray and he listens and will answer your prayers, well how long does that take? I have tried that praying thing and well nothing I ever prayed for happened in fact the complete opposite happened so what then? Why is it that these people want to judge you? They say only God can judge but here they are judging you and saying you are evil and going to Hell because you committed suicide, what is it people is it God or is it you? I personally don’t give a damn what people say about me, because I am going to do my own thing anyway, if it comes to taking my own life. I have dealt with the pain of grief, I have had traumas that are unimaginable, I have had things taken from me that were very precious, I have had someone I thought loved me treat me like a second class citizen and do wrongs to me and commit me to mental hospitals because I was asking for help and I was in his way of getting on with his life. I have been there done that, I have gotten over things and I have still got a long way to go, will I ever think about suicide again, yes of course I will in fact I have been thinking about it the last few days, and the thoughts get stronger with every passing day, will I wake up tomorrow and be “normal” and happy and say what was I thinking I was so stupid to think suicide was the answer. NO, because that’s not how it works. When you suffer from the mental illnesses I have and yes you read that right I said mental illnesses, you think about ending things every single day, because it is just so hard to get up and put on the “normal” smile and be happy persona that everyone expects. Mental illness is a constant struggle and part of that struggle is with suicide. It is not an easy decision to make and therefore those who say it is a cowards way out are so far from the truth. I would leave behind 2 sons if I ever did decide to do it again and this time succeed, but I don’t think about that when I am feeling so much emotional pain and my demons are getting the best of me. My mother says when you are feeling bad talk to me, well it takes her a day or longer to message me back and by then it would be too late. Or she tells me I am being stupid and selfish for thinking that way and I should think about how it would affect her and what would happen to her. Well I’m sorry I didn’t realize that I had to consult you on my life decisions and why should I think about you? Are you going to be there for me more often and try to listen and understand, NO, you are going to judge me like you always do and make it all about you. I mean when I was 14 did you think about how it would affect me and my brother and sisters when you tried to commit suicide, I don’t think so, but she doesn’t seem to remember ever doing that. It is funny how people conveniently forget things when they are trying to be high and mighty and tell you to not do something and to stop being stupid. Why is it stupid? Why do people think you should live with the pain and traumas that are killing you and eating you up inside? What is wrong with people are they sop wrapped up in themselves that they just want you to be unhappy and live with all this stuff just so they wont feel a little bit of sadness when you get the relief you so desperately want and need? So yes I think anyone who commits suicide is a hero because they have freed themselves from a life that was sucking the life out of them anyway and they are now free from pain and grief and anything else that was hurting them. So don’t judge unless you have walked a mile in the shoes of someone with major mental illnesses like Bi-Polar disorder, Major Depression, Severe Anxiety, and PTSD just to name a few that will give you the idea that suicide is the answer.(more…)
Well, What a world we live in…..now we are going to have a generation who wont know who speedy gonzalez the mouse is, or pepe lepew, or some of the muppets, or some of the dr. suess books are. They are banned because they are conidered offensive to some cultures, or races. I mean if you are going to get offended by a cartoon character or the words written in a book then that is ridiculous. But hey we are living in a country that allows that sort of thing. I mean hell they make a headline saying a model makes sports illustrated history for being in the swim suit edition because they are afroican/asian american who is transgender, well sports illustrated lets just chack all the boxes with this years model why dont we? Got to make sure we dont offend anyone. It seems like telling harmless jokes on Tik-Tok will get you banned now too, because someone will get their panties in a bunch and complain and report you and then wham you are banned just like that. It is reidiculous i say just plain ridiculous! I mean come on people grow a set and get some thick skin, they are jst jokes for christ sake!
It is offensive to do this and offensive to do that or say this or say that or show this or show that. What the hell can we do? You know what i am going to do? Be me and fuck who dont like it. I am not going to worry about who i am pissing off with wha i do, show or say. I grew up in a day and age when you didnt have to worry about it and could watch what you liked and didnt anyone worry about who the hell they were offending because that was the point to make fun of things. Life is going to get really boring soon and people are going to wish they hadnt allowed so few have such a loud voice and demand so much, because it is just going to get really out of hand!
Then i am reading the news on my phone this morning and read that comets and meteors will no longer have white names they are going to have names that are African American and HispanicWTF? Since when were they white or any color names? They were named after the people who found them in the sky and studied them, not just randomly picked. But i guess that’s going to change, sorry all you scientist’s who spent all that money going to school to be astronomers, you are now going to have to forego having it named after you for fear of offending someone, Now you are going to have to pick an African American or Hispanic name to name the comet or meteor, you find after. We are pulling down monuments to the men and women of the civil war and replacing them with African American people from history because the other ones supposedly too for slavery because they were confederate generals and stuff. Really???? what the hell, that’s not slavery that is history, get over yourselves! Do white people not deserve historical markers anymore? I mean Coke even has gone so far as in its diversity training to tell white people to not be so white, by not being ignorant and belittling to other races. Really? That’s ridiculous, but it is okay for them to be ignorant and belittling to us? I’m tired of this shit!
I am sorry if i come off as an ignorant and racist White person but i am not i am just tired of all the me, me, me, me stuff going on in one races eyes when we have bigger things to worry about, trying to stop the poor being poor and the people being on the streets get help, most of those people if you stop and ask them you will find were Veterans of a war of some kind for this country. So, please think of something more than just the small picture and yourself and look at the bigger picture others and the city or the state or the country or the Earth, they all need help, and if you are going to loot and riot why do you always pick the poor neighborhoods to loot and riot in? you have caused more pain and another person to be unemployed and have bills they cant pay and not be able to feed their family. Think before you act is all I’m asking. Please think more is all I’m asking about the bigger picture we all matter not just one race, we all do.
José Guadalupe Posada