Work.

Tonight everything was going good I got most of my breaks out of the way and had trash done and picked up coupons and pulled my reports before all my cashiers left at 8pm. Then at 815pm it was hammer time! I had one cashier left and myself and I had to call trash for all departments and I ended up with a line of 6 people all with huge orders.

They were looking at me like I could do something and then one lady comes to me and asks if I can open another register. I told her I was the only one there and the cashier on the register was about to leave and she just cussed me up and down and told me I was worthless and useless and I needed to get my head out of my ass and do something. I just stood there amazed. I just apologized and told her all I can do is work with what I am given. She then flipped me off and walked back to her place in line.

I then felt it, the dull pounding in my chest and the sweat starting, she had kicked in an anxiety attack. I then had to deal with her and 3 more people bitching at me while I checked them out, so the dull thud in my chest got stronger and harder and louder in my ears, then my hands started shaking and I started to sweat more. I could feel it getting out of control and I just apologized and took a step back and took a few deep breaths. Then I heard groans and moans from the customers and them saying to get my shit together and get back to work.

Is there no compassion in the world anymore. I obviously was having a bad time and these people just wanted to make it worse. Then my relief cashier came back and I told her to take over I had to get some fresh air. She said no problem.

I stepped outside and it was throwing buckets of rain down. I stood in the rain for a few moments and lifted my face to the sky and asked for the strength to go back in and carry on. My heart slowed a little bit and the sweating stopped and my hands got a little calmer. Then I went and did the trash for the other departments and came back and finished off my nights work.

Some people just don’t know what other people are going through and for them to get mad at me for taking a moment to calm my nerves down really says a lot about people. The people of this area are so rude and have absolutely no compassion and are all about themselves. It made me upset that I had allowed these ignorant people make me lose my cool and get an anxiety attack.

I was more mad at myself than I was them, they were just being the predators they are and I acted like some weak little prey. I made a vow tonight these people are not going to get to me ever again.

I have been doing so well with my mental health these last few months and they just set me back a cpl weeks. I suffer so badly from anxiety and sometimes I have absolutely no control over it and end up like tonight. Most times I know my triggers but tonight I was even telling myself how rude and stupid this lady was and yet it still gave me an attack. I still have a lot of work to do this just shows me how far I have come and how far I have to go. It is a long process and I don’t think I’ll ever be fully cured of this evil thing.

Anyway have a good night and Happy Writing!