I Repent – The Last Thoughts of A Killer. A Story.

I Repent.

            As I lay here at a quarter passed 7 in the evening, I look back on my life. I have been locked up now for over 30 years. I killed my fair share of people and deserved to be where I am. Laying here strapped to this gurney awaiting the final minutes before they send that fatal dose of liquids coursing into my veins to end my life.

I lay here watching as the guards are staring down at me with contempt, the lights are blinding in this small room. The doctor is strapping the blood pressure cuff to my left arm, he just walked to the right arm and inserted the needle.

            As I watched him swab my arm with the alcohol swab, I thought to myself the only reason they do that before inserting IV’s is to stop infection, so why are they doing it to me, they are killing me for God’s sake. What do they care if it gets infected? Not like I will be alive to get it or try to fight it off. That’s just one of the funny things I have noticed during this antiquated process.

The doctor is asking if it hurt me? What do you care, I’m a killer is what I want to say, but if I speak these guards are going to give me one last beating before the curtains open and I am laid bar and on display for these people to watch my life force leave my body.

            The guard to my left has tormented me for the last 5 years. He loves to keep my mail from me, or to talk to me like a dog, I have some last words for him. The other guard he only works the death chamber so I don’t know him, but he is a big surely fella and I don’t want to get on his bad side, one sock from those hands and I will be in  a world of hurt, they look like Thor’s hammers at the end of the arms.

            The time on the clock says quarter till 8 now, there is the red phone sitting on these white blank walls, that is the as we death row inmates like to call it the God phone. If that rings then we have been given a reprieve. I don’t expect it to ring for me, I killed this governors niece right before I was captured 30 years ago.

She was a cute little thing, but alas I will be going to meet my maker or my torturer for all eternity herein less than 15 minutes. Time seems to be going so slow.

            Okay it is now a little before 8 and the curtains are pulling back and I can see all of the victims family members seated, there are some reporters, there is my attorney, fat lot of good that lard ass did me, there is the District attorney, there are a couple of people I don’t know and there is my sister.

Everyone is crying or in some form of despair. I wish they wouldn’t cry. I dispatched their loved ones quickly, not like some of the sick guys I was neighbors with who played with their prey before killing them. They didn’t suffer.

            My sister is glaring at me now, I lock eyes with her and she mouths the words she loves me. I smile at her so she knows I got the message, she has been my rock and my steadfast supporter this whole time. I am going to miss our Sunday afternoon visits, but she will be better off without me.

My defense attorney, the lard ass, is smiling like a Cheshire cat, I made him famous, that’s all he cares about. Out of 10 life sentences and 10 death sentences, he only got a conviction on one, and he got the district attorney fired at the time for misconduct. Big Whoop! I’m still laying her in my whites waiting for that liquid relief.

            Ok it is 8 o’clock my heart is picking up speed now, I can tell by the hastening beeps on the machine. The doctor looks at the warden who  is now in the room giving his speech. I can imagine the guy pushing the button is just itching to hit it. The warden is telling everyone it is my time to say a few last words.

            “I just want to tell you, I am not innocent and I did do all that I said I did. To my sister I love you and will miss you. The victims’ families I am sorry for your loss. The guard to my lefts wife, I suggest you check into his over time hours, he is cheating on you with a fellow guard. Finally, I say I repent of my sins and I go to my maker or tormentor knowing that I have done my time and I go willing into the afterlife.” Then I lay my head back and close my eyes.

            I can feel the sting of the liquid as it first hits my vein, they said it would burn, but this is like fire going into my arm. The beeps are slowing now, and I can feel a falling sensation. Guess I am succumbing to the poisons coursing through my veins. Opening my eyes, I am looking down on my body, it looks so peaceful and like it is sleeping laying there. The doctor just finished announcing my death. Ok I guess its official, but why am I still here, why haven’t I gone anywhere?

            I can hear the roar of the triumphant crowds outside, they are happy I am dead. Reminds me of what happened in the medieval Europe at the killings that were put on for all to see. Or at least I guess that is what it would have been like. My sister is sobbing into her Kleenex, and walking out of the room. The  families of my victims are filing out of the room and the curtains are closing.

            Why am I still here? Take me away who ever is coming for my soul? Or is this a sign I have no soul and I am forced to live out my eternity in limbo? I guess if I am to stick around me and that tormenting guard are going to have some pleasant nights.

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